a very pole-ish gentleman

so on the weekend i did a pole dancing workshop with this man.

he is adam jay, he is the uk's leading male poledancer, and he is a freaking genius.

now i know what y'all are thinking as you read this - "a male poledancer? heavens above it can't be true!"

and i too was skeptical at first. of course i had heard that they - these penis-bearing poledancers - existed. but never had i witnessed such a phenomenon with my own two eyes.

until saturday.

fair readers of nadstown (all three of you that have stuck around through the quiet times of late), i have now seen divinity itself. and divinity is an apparently HETEROSEXUAL male poledancer in zebra-print lycra hotpants.

i must go now and attend to the five thousand new bruises covering the entirety of my body, gained at adam jay's workshop on saturday. i currently look like the victim of either some rather heinous domestic violence or a freak semi-trailer accident.

but it was fucking worth it. and i'm going back next week to do it all again.

adam jay for president, etc.

where all you control is which queue you choose to spend an hour in

yesterday some friends and i went to jamberoo action park ("where you control the action").

this effectively meant enduring a one and a half hour drive in 40 degree heat very early of a sunday morning only to spend the next five hours surrounded by inbred halfwits with a collective IQ of approximately 12.

and then we had to drive back home again. with sunstroke. and possibly herpes (that wave pool is as about as sanitary as colin farrell's boxer briefs).

sound like hell? it was.

why did we do it? because we wanted to "control the action", and where better do so than the self-proclaimed home of action regulation?

now as a creative in an advertising firm i take my duty to the public very seriously. i would rather stab myself in the eye with an inexpensive pen than mislead the masses. and i would never, ever bend the truth in order to sell a product. unless of course they paid me extra and upped my incentive allowance* tenfold.

thus i am very perturbed by this bogan wonderland's choice of slogan, as there was such little action to be self-controlled that at times i felt downright reckless.

and apart from two three-minute waterslide rides and one damn good pastrami and cheese sandwich made by my flatmate, the entire day was one big (hilarious) disappointment.

here are some memorable moments i will treasure in my heart forevs:



- playing "spot the mullet";

- playing "spot the teen mums";

- playing "spot the future teen mums";

- playing "spot the kids peeing in the wave pool";

- watching a toddler drink "water" from the wave pool from a cup while her buck-toothed mama not only looked on and laughed, but also filmed the entire incident;

- watching a kid be dragged from the wave pool by two lifeguards, gasping for air, while the other pool-goers "booed" because the fact the waves had been turned off while he was rescued;

- getting the hell out of there.



the great oscar wilde once said that "the only thing that sustains one through life is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of everybody else."

he'd obviously spent a lot of time at jamberoo.




*cocaine supply

ass-spankingly wonderful

they say how you spend new year's eve is indicative of how the following year will play out.

and if i get to spend the next 365 days eating, laughing and tongue-kissing adorable boys, it's going to be one hell of a good year!

happy new year, fair readers.

i hope 2007 promises to be just as jovial for you.