i feel dirty

as the year draws to a close, i have a confession to make.

what i am about to tell you will no doubt shock you as much as it does me, but i swear on my marc jacobs mary-janes that it is the stick-a-needle-in-my-eye truth.

are you seated?

ok...

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...

...

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i love wii.

yes, that's right, despite my traditional hatred of video games, i am hopelessly addicted to the pitifully nerdy phenomenon currently swiiping(!) the universe. and not just because of the endless punning opportunities it has brought with it.

a colleague invited me over one night for a wii party (sadly, not the first time that's happened), and now in spite of myself and all that i believe is good and holy in this world, i just can't stop wii-ing.

perhaps i should consult my doctor. BA DOOM BOOM!

i have even determined to buy a wii in the new year so i can wii whenever i like and not have to wait for a wii party to get my fix.

it's true, i've changed.

SEND HELP!

bringing sexism back

this is so ridiculous it's almost comical.

"it objectifies women, that is the message it sends ... women are still seen as sexual objects".

really?

that can't possibly be true.

let's examine the evidence:


exhibit a)























exhibit b)
























exhibit c)






















well colour me shocked!

here i was thinking we lived in a totally sexism-free society.

silly, silly la nadine.

and then tom cruise arrived in a spaceship and led me towards the light.

this morning i sat down to write a blog post, yet i was unable to come up with anything i could be bothered writing about.

i thought about writing about my office christmas party, at which i coerced all my colleagues into playing juvenile drinking games, and then spent half an hour telling someone i work with how very much i want to make the hot sex with him.

but considering that some of my coworkers read my blog, i don't think that would be a very good idea.

so then i dabbled with the idea of writing about how i have been such a scatterbrain this weekend - possibly as a direct result of the aforementioned drinking games - that i have left my phone in not one, not two, but three separate establishments.

but that's kind of a boring story.

and then various stories of french cricket-playing and flatmate dry-humping (for funnies) and aquarium-visiting came to mind but all were deemed inadmissible by my sun-stroked brain.

i was at a loss.

until something happened. something amazing. something so blogworthy it almost hurts.

i got into a cab in my mad rush to track down my oft-misplaced phone, and the bucktoothed, presumably perma-erectioned driver actually tried to sell me this:























how wrong is that?






aren't you glad i blogged today?

textual harassment

a multimedia message received from my beloved joshua a few evenings ago:



















upon first viewing the above on the screen of my mobile telephone i was somewhat startled, not knowing from whom the message had been sent.

however i soon discovered it was from joshua (that playful cad!) and all was well with the world once more.

i soon found myself on a trip down memory lane, perusing those text messages that remain in my phone for one reason or another, yet to be deleted to make space for the many yet to come (i'm heaps popular you see and thus I have a phone that just won'’t quit).

and so I present to you, for your voyeuristic pleasure, a random selection of text messages from the mobile telephone of la nadine:


- There'’s nothing better than a random leg humping.

- WHERE ARE OUR HUSBANDS?

- 'Digital Penetration' - Now there's one i haven't heard before.

- Bridget Jones is a cunt.

- Straight to the wank bank.

- You don'’t think my Proud Marys could whoop your Bic Rungas?

- hi its patrick do u wanna go out with me sumtime ps dont tell any1 on the team.*

*(poor patrick had been given a fake number by an evil, lying strumpet at his high school. i would have gone out with him "sumtime" myself, but he lives in far north queensland. and i'd probably be arrested if i did. still, i never told any1 on the team.)

- Reese and Ryan. Over. I'm only just keeping it together.

- I threw up my dinner.

- Your rack is being admired by lovely boys.


this last one evoked a similar reaction in me as the mind reading pic, causing me to look out my bedroom windows in search of onlookers. sadly the only things i found lurking outside were an abandoned shopping trolley and the neighbourhood stray. the sender, miss jessculture, later explained that she had been passing a pic of my baps round at a social gathering full of hotties. i tried to be offended by this. i wasn't.

if you sent me any of the above messages, bless you for filling my phone (and indeed my life) with the joys of random insanity. i live for that shit.

so does any1 else have random texts they would like to share with the rest of us?

go on. its liberating.

a nadstown poll (that's poll with a double 'l')

don't ask me why i care, but...

if you had to choose one of the following food types, meaning you could never eat the other ever again in your whole life, which would it be:


CHEESE or CHOCOLATE?


for me that's easy: i'd go cheese without pause. but i'm a savoury girl all the way. i'd run a mile for a taste of a good blue, even if the path to it's melty, mouldy goodness was chocolate-coated and even calorie-free.

and you? what's your pleasure?

would you rather dine on double brie from here to eternity or guzzle ganache 'til your dying days?

can you tell i'm hungry?

and really fucking uninspired?

please just humour me and answer the question while i try and think of something even vaguely worthy of blogging about.

ta.

taking stock

so at the beginning of this year i made a bunch of new years' resolutions.

apparently i will never learn to spare myself the torment of such an obviously ridiculous endeavour.

what can i say? i live for pain.

for those of you too lazy to follow the above link, my resolutions for 2006 were:

1) quit smoking.

2) pole dance my way to hotness.

3) learn to play the drums.

4) cook more often

5) not lose any more family members.

6) buy a house.

i also threw 'further my career as an actual paid writer', and 'start doing volunteer work again' into the mix, because i obviously wasn't aiming high enough with just six random goals to achieve in one year.

and with one month to go of this most tumultuous (albeit MUCH better than past years) of years, the time has come to check in with just how successful i've been in fulfilling my ambitions.

let's take a closer look...


1) quit smoking.

i...um...sort of...well not as much as i used to...but then...um...NEXT!


2) pole dance my way to hotness.

did i learn to pole dance? yes.

did i become absolutely obsessed with all pole dancing-related things? yes.

have i thus been covered in bruises for the better part of the year? yes.

is there now a giant, shiny pole in the middle of my lounge room, blocking access to my kitchen? yes.

would i say i have "pole danced my way to hotness"? probably not.


3) learn to play the drums.

i have yet to even sit before a kit with a pair of sticks in my hands. so lame.


4) cook more often

i have most certainly cooked "more often" than i used to, but i would still define my culinary endeavours as occurring "not often enough".

good think my loverly new flatmate is cuckoo for cooking.


5) not lose any more family members.

i refuse to respond to this on the basis that the year is still not over. and if i have learned anything in the past most cunting of years, it is that a lot can happen in a month. A. LOT.


6) buy a house.

not only did i buy myself a room somewhere, far away from the cold night air, but i renovated the fuck out of it as well. kudos to me.


meanwhile, about the whole paid writer/volunteer work business, i can safely say that i have made great strides in regards to the former; and that i may have to withdraw my membership to the bleeding-heart left due to my abysmal efforts regarding the latter.

and so i have thirty one days to quit smoking, master the drums, whip up a few meals, do some volunteer work and still not lose any more members of my ever-shrinking family.

fuck me dead with a rissole, it's gonna be a LONG month.