extreme blogging: take the challenge

is anyone else as bored of life in nadstown as i am? in fact, why are you even still here? don't you have better things to do? or at least better blogs to read, you raging web geek?

in acknowledging that this blog currently rates somewhere between doing yoga and watching big brother* on the excite-o-meter, i am asking for writing sauggestions/challenges from my readership. so both of you better come up with something, or the blog dies.

if, for some reason (like the limited levels of my own intelligence) i am unable to rise up to the challenges set, or if noone actually sets me any, this entire post will mysteriously disappear into the abyss of deleted web data. and we will never speak of it again. NEVER.

*i just can't get into yoga. i've tried really hard to like it, cause its trendy and really cool people like sally from home and away do it. but it just bores me to tears. although its still preferable to watching big brother (bot not big brother uncut).

i'm so cultured right now

last night i went to the opera house to see shades of gray, the latest offering from the wonderful sydney dance company. it is sdc artistic director graeme murphy's interpretation of oscar wilde's 1890 classic The Picture of Dorian Gray. through contemporary dance, murphy explores the fabled character of Dorian Gray, a charismatic young man who sells his soul for eternal youth and beauty. murphy draws parallel's between wilde’s original story and the contemporary world of dance, where the desire for eternal youth, beauty and perfection has particular resonance.

i have been an admirer of murphy's choreography and vision for a long time now. and he has certainly not let me down with this latest production. the show is both haunting and histerical, beautiful and disturbing. from the classical opening sequence in which petite ballerinas adorned in white tutus pirouette gracefully around their male lead, to the intense s&m style scene in which leather-clad males dance on motorised urinals to the sounds of aphex twin, i was entranced.

so, if you like contemporary dance, you want to see golum do ballet, you enjoy a good old homo-erotic dance sequence, or you now just want to find out what the bejiggidy i'm on about, i definitely recommend a trip to that great boat-like landmark by the sea.

a chronicle of carnage

today i went to the australian centre of photography (acp) in paddington to see 'Three Exhibitions on the Theme of Crime and Corruption'. i was so blown away by the works of italian photo-journalist Franco Zecchin that i am already planning a trip back to the acp asap.

Zecchin's Sicilian Chronicles provide an insight into the mafia world far more potent than any film or television show can convey (and this comes from an avid lover of the mafia film genre). the exhibition takes the onlooker through the slums of sicily, paralleling images of poverty with those of decadent mafia society. next come a series of crime scenes, which chronicle the deaths of policemen, judges, journalists, politicians and crime bosses in palermo in the mid seventies and early eighties. there are glimpses of the funerals of two high-profile and respected judges, and also of the public fervour and criminal trials that ensued after their murders.

oooh, just writing about it has made me desperate to go back. i think however, that next time i will leave my lovely mum at home, because although betty seems to have appreciated the cultural experience, i don't know if she needs to be exposed to so many images of bullet-ridden bloody corpses a second time. i, however, cannot wait to take another look at all the carnage. what then does that say about my morbid soul?

the walking lame

i don't have any skinny jeans that taper in at the calf and ankle, thus allowing me to tuck them snuggly into a pair of ugh boots. in fact, neither do i own any knee-high ugh boots.

i'm wondering whether i should kill myself for being so untrendy, or simply hibernate for the winter. your thoughts?

the pharrell williams show

last night i went to the enmore to see n.e.r.d. i really like their music, and i also love the neptunes (the production team made up of two of the boys from the band). i am also the first to admit that my motives for going were not purely aural, but that my outing can also be considered somewhat as a $75 perve. pharrell is so hot right now. and chad's not bad either.

but alas, i cannot actually say in truth that last night i actually saw n.e.r.d play at the enmore. firstly, chad was nowhere to be seen. and when questioned by the audience midway through the show as to his absence, pharrell got all huffy and said that he couldn't come because he has a wife and kids. LAME. and furthermore, the elusive third member - shay - seems to have no other purpose in the group than miming and mumbling unintelligible utterances into his mike (which i suspect was turned off).

this is not to say it wasn't an amazing show. it was. the band's songs translate brilliantly to live performance, and pharrell is a truely talented and charismatic performer who kept the energy and sensuality of the show at optimum levels. i had a great time and enjoyed the experience thoroughly. i just think it shoud have been labelled the pharrell williams show. but maybe i'm just happy cause he took his shirt off.

Dr. Schlessinger

I found this way too funny to leave unblogged. However, the crux of the argument goes deeper than humour. on further investigation i discovered a radio commentator to rival mr. jones for the crown of superior archfiend.

"If you are gay or lesbian, it's a biological error that inhibits you from relating normally to the opposite sex," Dr. Schlessinger once said on her radio show, wherein she daily dispenses pop psychology to more than 20 million listeners on nearly 500 radio stations across the United States and Canada.

On her radio show recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident. It's funny, as well as thought provoking.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to
be an abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16.) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy Considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

paradise lost

it just occured to me that after the finale of Paradise Hotel this coming monday night, i will have NOTHING LEFT TO LIVE FOR.

for those of you that haven't experienced the wonder of this incredible television spectacle, alas, i fear it is too late to save yourselves.

the passion, the bitching, the hideous clothes and over-greased bods. who needs friends or lovers when one can experience it all from their couch every monday night?

now, anyone wanting to make comments about the obviously pathetic state of my existence can save themselves the time. i'm fully aware. but the fact remains, paradise hotel is the best thing that ever happened to me, and noone will ever take that away from me.

inferioirty blogplex

my friend steely (you know who you are) has linked me to his blog. as have elmo. and estee. i feel honoured that seasoned bloggers of their calibre would take notice of little old me. and perhaps soon i will figure out how to link to them in my posts. their blogs are actually interesting and pretty and informative and all those things that nadstown fails to be.

this is the problem. i am really out of my depth here in the "blogosphere" (to quote old steely). sure, i can dazzle visitors with my supreme wit and eloquence*, but when it comes to technomological matters, i am completely out of my depth.

yet i am determined not to give up (my traditionally favoured method of coping with obstacles). if nothing else, maybe i have provided the world's authorities with a new method of torture. extreme boredom. less humane than sleep deprivation or fierce beatings, and guaranteed to break people a whole lot faster.

*please leave me as i am: content in my delusions

i need to rant

this evening past I skipped class (i'm bad to the core) and instead went to a Public Forum on the Future of Indigenous Affairs. the forum was organised by one of my lecturers, and was an attempt to generate a dialogue within the Indigenous community of Sydney regarding how to respond to the disbanding of ATSIC, and what subsequent action needs to be taken. the invitation stated:

"Political machinations around the disestablishment of ATSIC by the Howard Government has caused alarm and concern for many in the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander community. The Government’s intention to mainstream services to Indigenous communities, versus the Labor Party ’s outline of an alternative region-based model of service provision, leaves the future of many Indigenous programs, services and funded organisations in a state of crisis.

Drawing on a range of views of Indigenous community leaders,this forum will address issues currently impacting Indigenous Affairs and scope possibilities and strategies to help shape the future of Indigenous Affairs at the national level."


the impressive board of speakers included Professor Larissa Berehndt, Director of the Jumbunna Indigenous House of Learning at UTS; Geoff Scott, CEO, ATSIS; Marcia Ella-Duncan, Chair, ATSIC (Sydney); and Rob Welsh,Chair,Metropolitan Local Aboriginal Land Council. the audience was an ecclectic mix of students, koori journalists and activists, Indigenous professionals, and UTS professors.

i feel the need to blog about it because i am concerned about the danger of this highly pertinent issue falling into the abyss of political avoidance and media disinterest.

this is a highly contentious issue, which has created a divide between politicians and also Indigenous community members. indeed, ATSIC had its failings, but it also did a lot of good in its service provision and litigation projects. ATSIC has become a political scapegoat. i agree with the consensus among tonight's speakers that it is all too easy for politicians and society to lay shallow blame on ATSIC for the federal and state governments' failings in the bygone era of Reconciliation.

and so the question begs asking: with the dissolution of ATSIC, and the federal government's preferred strategy of "mainstreaming" Indigenous Affairs, how are Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Peoples to continue to address the current disadvantages and barriers that confront them at every level of society? And certainly, as questioned by Marcia Ella-Duncan: "Who will provide a national Indigenous voice?"

the biggest c*#t in the world

Had an awright weekend. A boogie here, a boogie there, a boogie nearly everywhere. I saw Melbourne band Cut Copy play, which was enjoyable if not amazing (their blatant obsession with themselves obscuring their potential greatness in my opinion). I also went to the greyhound races (go the doggies!) and marveled once again at this bizarre little sub-universe.

However, the most intriguing part of my weekend, the thing that has had me pondering a-go-go, was my meeting of possibly the biggest bitch I have ever encountered in my short but ever-so populated existence. I'm not exaggerating. I have never before in my life come across anyone as hostile as this loathsome female (without provocation, that is). She snarled, she snapped, and worst of all she condascended. I sat there incredulous, wondering what evil warlock had created such a vile stain upon humanity, as she could not possibly be born of love and/or passion.

This hideous vermin seemed to be carrying a large festering grudge against all of god's creatures. Her seething contempt for all who crossed her path was undisguised and, at times, frightening. She unabashedly flaunted her belief in her own beauty and style as being unparalleled on planet earth, wantonly snickering at every person with the audacity to walk by her. And should anyone dare stand in her spotlight, a sickly sweet chorus of "can I help you, darling?" was delivered, loaded with disdain.

Every woman has the right to be a bitch on occasion. It says so in the manual. Maybe some malevolent cretin cheated on you. Maybe you were the victim of a horrible brazilian waxing incident. Perhaps your sister ruined your (fake?) Manolos. All justifiable occasions to turn on the bitch-factor. However there is NO excuse for behaviour like that of the anorexic parasite I met on the weekend. She should be sent to some far off land where she will be force-fed lard every ten minutes, made to wear Kmart brand clothes all the live-long day, and forced to cohabit with a fat, pimple-faced web-geek named Olaf. The end.

oh lala, why you done up and left me?

this is a country love song I wrote with the help of some guy named Roger Roybal (http://www.math.ucsb.edu/~roger/index.html). it is dedicated to the good fairy lala, who has flown off to japan to drink whisky and play rock music on her fiddle.

oh lala, why you done up and left me?:

I met her in a gay bar, sort of pregnant,
I can still recall the outfit that she wore;
She was lookin' gawd damn sexy in her muu-muu,
and I knew that she would be an easy score.

I promised her i'd change my sex forever,
She said that I was meant to be a guy;
But who'd have thought she'd run off to sapporo?
I watched her melt away and sobbed goodbye.

how to create your own love-chamber

i told a friend i'd write about love nests. a friend who desires to remain anonymous. however he/she won't be expecting the shakesperean twist (neither will he/she really appreciate it, i expect).

nadstown's 10 quasi-shakesperean tips for boys on creating their own love-chambers:

- tis no bother to live in the house of thy parents, twas the matter for romeo and juliet, and that all worked out bonnie-well.

- if thou doth be of poorly taste, employ thee a fair maiden to guard* thy quarters.

- scrub, scrub thy chamber-pot good sirs. for lo, a thousand lustig nights begin in the wash-basin.

- the fruits of desire doth in the fridge-chamber lie. here o faithful servants, aphrodesiacs must be kept tenfold.

- perfume thy sleep-chamber. how canst thou expect to expect to seduce a maiden with the scent of thy desperation alone?

- hark, what be that sound? o spritely lovers, tis the sweet sound of marvin gaye on thy stereo-eth.

- dimmable lighting doth be passion's playground. ceiling mirrors doth be passion's scorn.

- a plague on tacky posters. A PLAGUE ON TACKY POSTERS.

- hadst thou no arty possessions? they do but please young strumpets' eyes.

- porn mags are banish-ed. BANISH-ED. but lo, porn dvds are not so soon forsaken.

*its shakesperean for decorate
**the bard's word for washing basket

a poem for elo

oh ellouise,
you hurt your wrist,
because you played wrestles,
while you were affected by alcohol.

a chivalrous tale

last night I stepped outside the nadstown square and went to see a Canadian rock band called 'death from above'. to my great surprise, i enjoyed it thoroughly, and from now on consider myself to be all about hard rock.

despite a stroke of unprecedented good luck in finding a parking space opposite the venue of said rock gig, i was the victim of a most unfortunate act of malevolence. the spirit of an evil bimbo took over my body, forcing me to lock my keys in the car. this evil bimbo spirit has been forcing me to do a lot of stupid things lately. hmmmm.

after a brutal excorcism, i regained control of my body, and called that great cavalry of heroes, the nrma. in my best damsel-in-distress voice, i appealed to the compassion of the faceless voice on the other end of the line. "oh woe, oh woe", i cried "i am but a young girl, stranded. all alone in a sinister alleyway, in a big, bad neighbourhood." it seemed unnecessary to bother the kind operator with trifling matters of truth. she simply did not need to know that i was actually standing on a very well lit street with my lovely friend ellouise (our male companions having abandoned us in the pursuit of hedonism).

incredibly, my knight in road-safety armour arrived within 10 minutes, to save me from my "traumatic ordeal" and get rid of the two shady characters who had approached with a facade of concern, but really just wanted to sell us drugs and prove their manly grand-theft-auto skills (failing dismally on both accounts).

thanks mr. nrma. i think i love you.

dear nadstown

'Crappy Advice Month' has created a worldwide frenzy, with advice requests coming in from around the globe. Here's one that came in yesterday from the lovely Lala in Japan:

Lala: What is the third thing I should do every day?

Nadstown: Hit the snooze button for the third time of course.

Remember people, spiritual enlightenment is only an email away.

crappy advice month

yay! its 'Crappy Advice Month' in nadstown. please email me (nadstown@yahoo.com) your two cents on a topic of your choosing. it can be advice for me, for someone else, for yourself, your pet, a select group, or for society at large. it can be real, or completely ficticious. there are no rules. alternatively, feel free to ask me to advise you on any manner of issue. I don't know much, but i know i love making stuff up. great pearls of wisdom will be published on this here blog for all to read and learn from.